So I probably should have mentioned in my last post that I’ve been moved from my current position back to Kitchen and Bath, Appliances, and Plumbing. Yup, all mine. Yippee hooray. I went from one department with approx 100 square feet of space and 1 1/2 employees (one only works two nights a week) to three departments with a billion square feet (ok, just a third of the back half of the store), eight employees, and a TON more responsibilities. Oh yeah, and a crappier schedule. This was not my choice. I’m not happy about it.
A few posts ago I mentioned that the pregnancy weepies had found me. This week they were back in full force. I cried at work Monday morning. I cried at work Tuesday night. Wednesday I managed to stay pissed off all day but didn’t end up crying. Thursday I cried because I was so depressed. Friday I cried because there was a squirrel in the road who looked like he had been hit and was trying to get away and it tore my heart out. Saturday and today (so far) I have been tear-free. But I feel like I’m choking back tears half the time.
So here are my options: 1) Suck it up and try not to despise every second of every day I’m there. 2 ) Get a medical “discharge” and step-down from my Supervisor status (probably losing about $.50 an hour) and become a regular associate again. 3) Talk to my store manager to see if there is a compromise. 4) Win the lottery and never go back.
So far I have not won the lottery. None of the other options are appealing to me. Number one is pretty unlikely to happen. With the current situation I will hate every second I am in that building until the hatred builds and I explode. Or kick someone. Or get fired because I’ve called my immediate manager all sorts of hateful nasty things. Number two is a distinct possibility. The stress for me and the baby is not good. The crazy hours are also not good. I can’t lift much back there and I have to be able to rest and there isn’t much of that to be had. Number three is going to have to happen if number two is going to happen. So I’m kind of stuck with number three whether I want to or not. I’m not looking forward to it. I’m actually dreading it a lot. Since I actually mentioned stepping down to my district manager he is now going to make sure I talk to my store manager. But I hate conversations like this. I’m not good at them, I never know how to word things or what to say, and at this point, I’m afraid I will end up crying. Which I seriously don’t want to do.
So the only thing I know how to do is pray for strength and support and a solution. I don’t want to end up with high blood pressure caused by stress or an ulcer. I don’t want to dread coming back to work after the baby is born so much that I end up depressed. But I also don’t want to put myself in a worse situation. Pretty much what I need is prayers. Pray for me to have strength to have this conversation, to know what to ask for, and to know what decision to make. And to not cry. I hate crying.