Last night I had the weirdest dreams. All night long. I’m not sure what was in what I ate last night, but it seriously affected my brain. This is actually happening on a regular basis now. The main part of the dream that I remember had to do with my baby shower but it was filled with anxiety and stress. Apparently my subconscious decided to blow my wardrobe issues out of proportion and continue to torment me with them throughout the night. The whole dream was basically me trying to find something to wear and failing miserably. I find dreams to be very weird as they don’t really make any logical sense most of the time. I have anxiety dreams about time a lot – generally it has to do with flying and being late for my flight. Most of the time in the dream I haven’t started packing yet and my flight leaves in an hour and then I’m still frantically packing after the flight has left but that doesn’t seem to phase me as I still madly pack. Last night it was essentially the same thing except I hadn’t found anything to wear and then was late to my own shower. Somewhere near the end of the dream a specialist was called in who brought in a bunch of clothes for me to try on. My self-deprecating sense of humor decided that the first dress she pulled out was a size 4. Haha, self. The last part of the dream I remember is putting on a white dress and shoes and having the lady dye the dress blue while I was wearing it. Oh, and she dyed the underside of my hair (which ended up blond and short) pink. What? Why??
Now, I am having a little anxiety about the baby shower. Not only about what to wear (because I can’t find anything that fits me that hides the blob that is my belly) but the planning of it too. It’s a non-traditional type of situation, with me being involved in the planning, as well as three other people. But the theme is great and so far everything is working out to be fantastic. The biggest problem I’m having is finding something to wear though. I’m not really happy with my pregnant body at this point or my apparent lack of self control when it comes to food. I was doing so well for awhile until my sweet little child decided he no longer hated sweets. It doesn’t help that my equally sweet husband has no ability to tell me no if I ask for a treat. Add both of those to my deep lack of self control and the result is that I’ve packed on quite a few more pounds than I had intended to at this point. Then there’s the fact that I was at a higher weight when I started this pregnancy than I wanted to be and it’s no wonder that my dreams won’t let me rest.
I realize that I haven’t told you about being on anti-depressants or finding out we are having a boy. I think for fear of censure I left it all out. But it’s truly hard to tell my story without you knowing the whole thing. So I will go into more details in another post and hopefully catch you up on my mental and emotional state pre-pregnancy through now.