Tomorrow will be two weeks since Baby G was born. It’s been quite possibly the longest two weeks of my life but at the same time it almost seems like everything just happened yesterday. I wonder sometimes how I’ve made it through the last two weeks even with the constant support from Mom and my husband. And how I’ll ever make it through the next 2-4 (hopefully not longer) until he comes home.
My life has become a tight routine of pumping, small bits of sleep, riding in the car, scrubbing my hands and arms until they are raw, and living at the hospital. I have to be mindful of the time at all times; making sure I pump as close to every two hours during the day as possible. Errands are run in the morning before Baby G or in the evenings after Baby G. We spend dinner time in the cafeteria trying to eat something from home as his stay here and my time off from work will be expense enough. It’s also not worth leaving the hospital once we’re here simply because we don’t want to spend another 3 minutes scrubbing in.
My incision is still bothering me and last night I had one of the dissolvable staples work it’s way out. That was both painful and disturbing. I’m afraid more are working their way to the surface as I have pinching/tugging pains in localized spots. So on top of all my other concerns and anxieties I’m constantly aware and weary of what this incision I didn’t want is going to end up looking like.
My precious little boy is growing without me. He’s gaining about an ounce a day, weighing 3lbs 11oz last night. I’m afraid of him changing too much too quickly but I know he needs to grow to come home. I really want to be able to start breastfeeding him so we can start him on his way to full feeds from me or a bottle. But the feeding tube has to be moved to his nose before he can really attempt to breastfeed and they are still saying it will be at least another week before he’s mature enough for that process to come together.
We’re holding it together as best we can. Husband generally does a better job than I do at holding it together but it’s going to be harder on me with Mom being gone as she has been such a support to me in the last two weeks.
Sometimes I think if I could just have a little more sleep I might be able to function a little better. But with pumping every 3 hours during the night (when I don’t sleep through my alarm) it’s only a lovely dream. I know I’ll still be getting up when he gets home but simply having him there will be enough for me.
He is the most precious gift I’ve ever been given and I love him so much it’s almost painful. I look at his tiny beautiful face and can’t believe that we made him and he’s ours.