Just call me Yzma

You know that scene in “The Emporer’s New Groove” where Kuzco is talking about Yzma and the camera zooms in to her face and her eyes are baggy and she’s all wrinkly and he asks what’s holding her together?

That’s how I felt when I looked in the mirror a few weeks ago.

I’m 30. I’m supposed to be in my prime, right? And all of a sudden I’m noticing wrinkles and creases and stretchy looking places where smooth skin used to be. So I ask you this:

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME??

I’m only 30. Seriously. I’m pretty sure a year ago I didn’t look like this. Yeah, I put on a little weight while pregnant but that didn’t affect my eyelids or my upper arms. Where did this stuff come from??  I mean, I’ve noticed my thighs looking a little more dimply over the past few years (sneaky cellulite), but wrinkly eyelids? Crepe-y arms??

{Side note: I never used to have cellulite. My thighs were nice and smooth even if they were a little… thick. But the cellulite has moved in and it’s not a pretty sight.}

My eyelids used to be taut and fresh looking. Now when I put on my eye shadow I can tell that the skin has started to loosen. WHAT CAUSES THIS?? Seriously. I have, like, 50+ more years to go. WHAT WILL I LOOK LIKE WHEN I’M 80?? I’m going to have to use duct tape to hold my eyelids up so I can see. I’m going to have to start wearing 3/4 length sleeves all year round. I’ve already sworn off shorts for the most part. Plus, in addition to all these lovely things, I’ve started getting zits again. Right now I’m sporting two doozies that of course are not hidden under my bangs. So I have the complexion of a 13 year old and the skin of a 62 year old.

Great. Fantastic. I’m falling apart. 30, I hate you.

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