I’m sitting here at 11pm rocking my 20 month old who woke up screaming bloody murder and couldn’t calm himself. I’m so tired and worn out and had literally just crawled into bed and gotten comfortable when he woke up. I only got about 3 hours of sleep last night and I worked today so I was looking forward to bed. But I’m sitting here, with my sweet boy finally sleeping on my shoulder, smelling his stinky sleepy baby breath (when did it turn stinky?? It used to smell so sweet!), and relishing every second. Every cuddle, every snore, every time his little hand pats my skin. Because soon my belly will be too big for him to sit like this. Soon I’ll be in the hospital and spending the first nights away from him ever. Soon he’ll grow up and won’t need momma to rock him. So even though I’m tired and I desperately want to sleep, I will be thankful for this time – these little moments where I can calm and comfort him. And smell his stinky sleepy baby breath.
I know it’s been ages since you’ve heard from me. I have taken a hiatus. That was unplanned. And long. And a LOT has happened. Holy moly, a lot has happened. Are you ready?
I’m pregnant. I know. You’re shocked. Seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with G. Except it wasn’t yesterday, it was two years ago. As in not last year, but the year before. So yeah, basically yesterday. Right now I’m 11 weeks along and G is 20 months old. Things weren’t exactly planned this way. I had really wanted to wait another year or so before we tried to have another. God had different plans for us. So in 7 months Gavin will be a big brother. Now, you should feel special, because we have not announced it to the rest of the world, so don’t spill the beans!
So, how have I been with this? Do you remember a post from my last pregnancy? Pretty early on, listing some crappy pregnancy stuff? No? Well, here’s a quick link . Basically everything I mentioned in that post rings completely true in this pregnancy so far. Except maybe #3. I have constant drainage. Sometimes my nose runs, but for the past two weeks, it’s just been gallons of snot running down the back of my throat. Yum. Goes great with my super sensitive gag reflex and violent nausea.
The nausea hit about the same time it did with G. And it was bad. Really really bad. Plus I had a harder time since my incredibly ridiculous prescription insurance deemed my anti-nausea meds “not safe” and would only pay for 24 tablets every 23 days. If I spread them out and only take them during the day, that’s a 12 day supply. Not knowing they wouldn’t pay for them more often, I started out taking the meds 3 a day which resulted in my going without meds for two terribly miserable weeks. We (meaning Husband) ended up finding a prescription discount card and was able to get me extra pills for a much lower price than the $5 a pill they normally run. So now my nausea is doing much better (I still have bad days but I feel less like barfing on a constant basis) and I’d be feeling a lot better overall if it weren’t for the rivers of snot. It’s so gross. *hurk*
Other than that it’s the typical pregnancy stuff. Exhaustion, weird crampy things, serious food aversions, complete indecision on anything that actually sounds good to eat, weird cravings (there was an orange juice addiction at one point), and the constant fat feeling. Oh yeah, and the total inability to control my emotions.
The other problem is because this wasn’t planned I am not prepared mentally to have two kids. I have mini panic attacks at random times when I realize this time next year I’ll have an almost 3 year old and a 7 month old. And I freak out. Because I realize I have no clue how to get a 7 month old and a toddler into a store at the same time. And how do you put both kids in the car at the same time? And I have to have a new car because mine most definitely will not fit two carseats. And do we get G new furniture and move him into a new room and give Baby his room? Or do I keep G in his room and set up a new nursery? Either way it’s a new set up of furniture. And once the new baby comes, will I ever get to sleep again?? Because I KNOW… I KNOW that this kid will be the one who wants to get up and play at 6am while G sleeps til 10. I just know it. And what if the new baby isn’t sweet and snuggly and cuddly? What if this baby just wants to be left alone? And, then of course, what if this pregnancy ends like the last one? What if this baby shows up early? How do I split my time? How do I leave either one of my babies alone?
I’m overwhelmed. I keep hoping that clarity and calm will suddenly settle on me and I will be zen and tranquil. But I don’t see that happening anytime soon. I’m pregnant. That is an automatic recipe for crazy.
So if you want to come clean my house or watch G so I can get a pedicure or bring me mini chocolate donuts (preferably from Food Lion or Entenmann’s), I will accept your generosity. If you are more of a behind the scenes person, just send up a prayer for us all. Pray that this baby will hang out longer than G did. Pray that this baby is healthy and whole. Pray that we figure out the right answers to all our questions. If you’d like to come pray WHILE you clean my house, well then my friend, you are more than welcome.